Excuse Letters

PuShAkOv

PuShAkOv

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The routine is familiar: when a student is late or absent from school, a letter from the parents must be supplied for the absence to be excused. Sometimes such letters suggest that the parents were excused from school too many times in their own youth.

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"My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

"Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."

"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

"Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

"Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

"Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."

"Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."

"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

"Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."

"Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."

"Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."

"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."

"Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."

"Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."

"Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

"Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."

"Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."

"Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
 
PuShAkOv

PuShAkOv

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Barney Math

1) Given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals:
C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers:
666

Thus, Barney is Satan.









A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"







memo in bin laddens cave:

Dear Friends,

We are going to live in this cave for quite a while, so we need a few "good neighbor" rules

- Everyone try and keep the cave clean. Do not leave crumbs on the floor.

- It is very rare that I give television interviews, and when I do so, I am trying to scare the most powerful country in the world. So please do not wave at the camera behind my back.

- We all also need to try and keep our beards clean, especially after we eat.

- Last, there has been word that American soldiers are trying to infiltrate our ranks in disguise. To combat this, starting tonight, we will have 24-7 patrol around the cave. The first patrol will be made up of Ahmed, Omar, Muhammad, and Richard.

Love,

Osama








Mrs. Gates on their wedding night: "Oh, so *that's* why you called it
Microsoft!"




[rofl]
 
BMWlover

BMWlover

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Puhhahahahhahahahaha [rofl] [rofl] [rofl] [rofl]




Mrs. Gates on their wedding night: "Oh, so *that's* why you called it
Microsoft!"




[rofl] [/B][/QUOTE]
 
M

manuel

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heh when i have kids im going to use this excuse
"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
 
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