I need your help everyone its a girl relationship problem... I have to post it here..

[jcz1987]

I've decided to get over her now... she used me this whole time. From her previous relationships with guys even if shes friends with guys... she finds ways of using them... I had a freind who is now a freshman in college that wanted to date her but she rejected him. He spent 50 dollars worth of movie tickets with her and hanging out.. I ended up using about 800 with the Starbucks, the jeans I bought her, the Winterball tickets and dinner that night and all the place I took her to eat and see movies.... *sigh* Ive realized I cant trust anyone in life and now... its time to move on but she will never get hte same attention from me.... lets see if she can find a better guy for her... one who has the same abilities as me... a big hearted, romantic, caring man who expresses his love different by artistic skills in Photography, a personality that shows caring and honesty with some intellectual and common sense about life.... and I highly doubt she'll ever get to sit or drive in a BMW again...

 

[MReedBMWM3]

jcz,

Sounds like your upset... Sorry man.... Many of us have been down this path....

I understand your thoughts about her not finding another guy that is as good as you.
Truth is she doesn't deserve a guy of your stature. Keep your head up, you have a lot going for you. Something that has helped free me from the bondage of bad relationships is to let the other person off the hook and just accept the fact that they are not the one. That way it doesn't make them a bad person, or a wrong person... Resentful feelings are bad for the soul, and they keep us from being happy.

You gave it your best shot, you kept it real and she chose otherwise.....

Next!

 

[MyHarley]

*sigh* Ive realized I cant trust anyone in life

don't confuse trust and making an incorrect choice......

 

[MReedBMWM3]

jcz,

Sounds like your upset... Sorry man.... Many of us have been down this path....

I understand your thoughts about her not finding another guy that is as good as you.
Truth is she doesn't deserve a guy of your stature. Keep your head up, you have a lot going for you. Something that has helped free me from the bondage of bad relationships is to let the other person off the hook and just accept the fact that they are not the one. That way it doesn't make them a bad person, or a wrong person... Resentful feelings are bad for the soul, and they keep us from being happy.

You gave it your best shot, you kept it real and she chose otherwise.....

Next!

P.S. or you could fill out this letter print it out and send it to her. http://www.drchinese.com/letter.html

 

[adrean8j]

We wont say "we told you" buuuuuut......anyway lets not demonize the young woman either. We all said that our resident Jedi is young and has to learn, so the same can be said of the girl in question. She most likely doesnt realize the emotional and mental turmoil she is putting him thru either. Circle of life my friends...what goes around comes around.....

 

[MyHarley]

Circle of life my friends...what goes around comes around.....

Don't you wish that was really true??

 

[jcz1987]

Yeah thanks you guys for all of your advice I'll keep you all updated on everything. I jsut feel kinda bummed out about life in general right now since I have some others things going around me with my family and stuff. I will continue the passion and I have for photography. I will jsut never give her the same attention that she had with me. It will take a very long to time to heel.... oy yeah by the way... when shes depressed.... she does physical pain to herself. I jsut dont want her to become depressed about what happned between her and I. All I know is that she was able to get stuff out of me buy using me like this yet she says she was the one who felt being purchased but yet she just said that to make me feel bad.. I know... She justed tried to make me feel bad... I cried in front of her before and it showed my weekness. I feel betrayed by her and her friends definatley.

 

[MReedBMWM3]

J,

to quote you: "All I know is that she was able to get stuff out of me buy using me like this yet she says she was the one who felt being purchased"

Lots' of guys buy girls stuff out of fear... She has a point, it's a control issue....

Scenario: If I buy this girl what she wants she won't leave me.... do you see?

I've been guilty of this... then I went to the other extreme with an attitude of everything will be dutch....

The day I became ok with myself relationships with women became much easier.

Today I am with a woman that loves me and we share financial burdens together. Out of love, not fear.

Sorry to hear your mind is screwing with you.... It's all in your head.... It will pass.....

I think your a mac user right? I just purchased Ilife 06 and it will be coming in on the 24th. I created my first two slide show movies this week... I am loving my Mac.... Do you have aperature?
Do you have a .Mac account... You should create a BMW video and post it for all of us... That would be a real hoot.....

 

[MyHarley]

delete

 

[adrean8j]

Don't you wish that was really true??

I meant it more in the sense that what you do will be appreciated or reciprocated in its own good time....it definitely isnt an exact science......and in my personal experience it happens more often than not.....

 

[MyHarley]

I meant it more in the sense that what you do will be appreciated or reciprocated in its own good time....it definitely isnt an exact science......and in my personal experience it happens more often than not.....

I still have a list of pasts that I'm still waiting on to come around......

 

[adrean8j]

yeah me too....I hope our young friend doesnt lose his allegedly great personality. I think i lost some of my own...hmmm......lets just say i was a lot nicer before a few select females in my life caused me to be a little more cynical with the opposite sex...still a nice guy but only so far when it comes to that stuff....hopefully the young padawan doesnt get jaded and pessimistic about all of it....

 

[jrt67ss350]

when shes depressed.... she does physical pain to herself.

That right there should REALLY tell you something about her.

I and others have given you what I think is some really excellent advice, but now it is time for me to throw some of my first-hand medical experience into the mix.

Believe me, you do NOT want to be involved with someone who inflicts pain on herself to deal with her problems. I have spent enough time working on the child/adolescent psychiatry ward at the hospital to know that someone who inflicts pain on herself as a way of dealing with depression is ABSOLUTELY not someone you want to get involved with in the capacity that you were wanting to get involved with her.

Teenagers (even some adults) who self-mutilate do it mainly for attention and to manipulate the behaviors of others. It's a control issue. These individuals feel that they can't control the situations around them, so they inflict pain on themselves or self-mutilate. They do this because this is something that they can fully control and that really grabs the attention of others. Trust me on this - I've directly cared for numerous patients your age with these sorts of issues who were involuntarily committed to the psych ward at the hospital for this type of behavior. I've seen first hand how this not only affects the individual doing the self-mutilation, but also how it affects the other people in his/her life. It's very difficult to get the individual to stop this type of behavior, and it makes everyone else's life a living hell. You DO NOT want any of that. TRUST ME.

I ABSOLUTELY think the best thing for you is to no longer try to pursue her romantically. Trust me when I say that your life will be MUCH better off in the long run without her.

 

[epj3]

That right there should REALLY tell you something about her.

I and others have given you what I think is some really excellent advice, but now it is time for me to throw some of my first-hand medical experience into the mix.

Believe me, you do NOT want to be involved with someone who inflicts pain on herself to deal with her problems. I have spent enough time working on the child/adolescent psychiatry ward at the hospital to know that someone who inflicts pain on herself as a way of dealing with depression is ABSOLUTELY not someone you want to get involved with in the capacity that you were wanting to get involved with her.

Teenagers (even some adults) who self-mutilate do it mainly for attention and to manipulate the behaviors of others. It's a control issue. These individuals feel that they can't control the situations around them, so they inflict pain on themselves or self-mutilate. They do this because this is something that they can fully control and that really grabs the attention of others. Trust me on this - I've directly cared for numerous patients your age with these sorts of issues who were involuntarily committed to the psych ward at the hospital for this type of behavior. I've seen first hand how this not only affects the individual doing the self-mutilation, but also how it affects the other people in his/her life. It's very difficult to get the individual to stop this type of behavior, and it makes everyone else's life a living hell. You DO NOT want any of that. TRUST ME.

I ABSOLUTELY think the best thing for you is to no longer try to pursue her romantically. Trust me when I say that your life will be MUCH better off in the long run without her.

When I'm pissed I just kick the cat. (your advice is good though, seems f'in weird t me to hurt yourself EVER...)

 

[Kirby]

You are definitely better off with out her, and NO you are NOT responsible for her depression and NO you CANNOT FIX HER, don't even try!

I dated a girl for a few months when I was a junior in high school, she was a senior. I didn't know it at first, but she was SERIOUSLY messed up (the kind of girl that has PINWHEELS for eyes!). She was into self abuse and used it for manipulation and attention. I thought I could fix her. Three months later I was WAY in over my head, and ultimately RAN the other way.

 

[Kirby]

When I'm pissed I just kick the cat.

You ARE joking, right? You gotta be joking....

"A study conducted by Northeastern University and the Massachusetts SPCA found that people who abuse animals are five times more likely to commit violent crimes against humans. The majority of inmates scheduled to be executed for murder at California’s San Quentin penitentiary “practiced” their crimes on animals, according to the warden. "

 

[jcz1987]

cutting is what she does....

 

[jrt67ss350]

cutting is what she does....

Yep. That's the most common form of self-mutilation because it is an action that the individual can have complete and total control over. She has some serious issues dealing with control, and she probably doesn't even realize it. These are serious psychiatric issues that she needs to deal with. You are MUCH better off not getting yourself involved with her and getting yourself enmeshed in those issues. She has a mental illness, and it is not one that you are going to be able to do anything about. It's certainly NOT your responsibility, and like Kirby said, her depression and the maladaptive ways she deals with her depression are NOT your concern or something you should feel responsible for. When I was on my child/adolescent psych rotation, I had several girls and a few guys who were involuntarily committed to the hospital for cutting. It's a nasty psychiatric illness, and it's very very hard to get the individual to stop the behavior. It's extremely hard for a TEAM of psychiatrists, medical students, and social workers to break this behavior in these people. You, as an individual who simply creates a confusing and awkward social situation for her, doesn't stand a chance. Getting involved with her will create a situation for you that will cause nothing but grief.

Are her parents aware of her cutting? Where does she cut? Has she ever been hospitalized for this?

I cannot stress enough that you are much better off not getting involved with this girl. She's clearly not ready emotionally or psychologically for any kind of a meaningful relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Run, don't walk, away from this girl.

 

[jcz1987]

yeah... Im moving on about her indeed.... her parents know about it and her closest friends know about it and so do I.... her cuts are about an inch long on the arms

 

[epj3]

You ARE joking, right? You gotta be joking....

"A study conducted by Northeastern University and the Massachusetts SPCA found that people who abuse animals are five times more likely to commit violent crimes against humans. The majority of inmates scheduled to be executed for murder at California’s San Quentin penitentiary “practiced” their crimes on animals, according to the warden. "

Of course I am. Geesh you must think I'm pretty messed up or something. I guess the majority of my posts would hint towards that but 90% of the time, I am joking around.